How to be 30 and Single

When you’re single in your 20s, it’s assumed that you’re having the time of your life and in no mood to settle down.  When you’re single at 30, it’s assumed that the world is no longer your oyster, you’ve begun collecting cats and spend your time staring off into the abyss waiting and hoping for a potential mate to come along.

I’m here to tell you that being 30 and single is not the end of the world. In fact, it can be, dare I say it…enjoyable.  Like everything in life, there are good parts and bad parts about being single at this age. The bad parts are things like being stuck at the kid’s table for Thanksgiving dinner; the good parts being enjoying ample free time, meeting new people and sprawling across your bed with ALL of the covers.

While I’m certainly not the authority or a certified expert on how to be single (it’s different for everyone), I have enough experience to know what works for me.  So, here are my three best suggestions on how to make the most of it:

Be prepared for The Questions

Yes, The Questions can be annoying and frustrating.  It seems that everyone wants to know the answer to the million dollar question – Why/How are you single? This is inevitably followed up by the asker listing a litany of reasons why you shouldn’t be single – you’re attractive, you’re intelligent, you’re fun, etc.  People may think they’re being helpful or flattering when listing these reasons but sometimes it can leave you later saying to yourself “Yeah, why the hell am I still single? What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?” when really, you haven’t done anything wrong.  You’re just not in a relationship right now. Point blank.

My advice is to take these questions in stride.  It may seem odd but I find having a stock answer helps.  I tend to go with “I haven’t found the right guy yet but he’s out there.  I’m enjoying myself in the meantime.” That response usually shuts down the questions (and the pity party) and hopefully allows you to change the subject to another topic, if you’d like.  I try to remind myself that, depending on the setting, I may be one of only a few single people in attendance, and being different will inevitably make people curious and want to ask questions.


Enjoy It

So often the “single” label is looked upon with pity, disdain and as a problem that needs to be fixed.  But there is another side to being single that needs to be talked about – the side that I like to call Do Whatever The F**K You Want.  Want to spend the day at the beach reading celebrity gossip magazines? Go for it. Want to listen to your favorite songs as loud as possible and have a dance party in your apartment on a Tuesday? I feel you, and I raise my glass of wine to you.

The joy and freedom that come with being single should never be overlooked or taken for granted.  Use this time to do the things that you want to do, things that you may not have the time, energy or money to do a few years down the road.  Pick up new hobbies, read more books, spend time with friends and family or work on yourself. Do whatever it is that makes you feel good.  Being single isn’t a prison sentence that needs to be served.  It’s an opportunity to expand your life.


Love Yourself

In the immortal words of RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?”  I know, I know.  It all sounds cheesy but it actually is true – we accept the love we think we deserve and we attract people who mirror how we feel about ourselves.

You may not have a partner at the moment but you have yourself, and really, that’s the only person you can be certain you’ll ever have in this life.  You don’t need to wait for another person to come along to make you feel worthy of being loved. Treat yourself well and take care of yourself in the ways you want to be treated, and you’ll find that you’re ready and able to accept the love of a great partner heading your way.

*Photo Credit: thesinglewomansguide.com

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Treat Yo Self Essentials

It’s the end of a long week and you know what that means: it’s Treat Yo Self Time.  Everyone needs a pamper day or night and being the Queen of Relaxing that I am, I thought I’d share my tips on what you need to have the best Treat Yo Self experience ever:

TYS

Treat. Yo. Self.
  1. Candle or incense

Scent is essential in setting the mood for a relaxing pampering session.  Before you do anything else, light a candle or some incense.  I’m a fan of incense because 1. I’m a huge hippie deep down inside and 2. No open flame to worry about potentially burning your apartment/house down.  Light a stick of lavender or rose incense or, if you’re a candle person, light whatever smells closest to a cupcake.

incense_buddha-h480
Photo Credit: dharmarose.com
  1. Music

Music is definitely a matter of personal preference so I won’t tell you what to listen to, just put on whatever relaxes you and makes you feel luxurious as hell.  Spotify has a million great “chill out” playlists (or you can listen to my Mellow Music playlist).

  1. Bath Time

There is a law on the books somewhere that states one must take a bath (or at least a very long shower) during a Treat Yo Self session.  Here’s what you’ll need:

  • Body Scrub – Yes, it is pretty gross to think about shedding your dead skin cells but try to put that out of your mind and just focus on how smooth and soft you’ll feel post-soak.  I’m a huge fan of the Body Shop’s Shea Sugar Scrub.

scrub

Photo Credit: amazon.com
  • Sheet Face Mask – If you’re going to scrub your dead skin off, why not wear a terrifying-looking mask at the same time? Throw on a sheet mask while you soak and your face will be hydrated, brighter and plumped up by the time you step out of the tub.

mask

Photo Credit: essencious.com
  • Hair Mask – We’re sticking with the mask theme and moving on to hair. Treating Yo Self is all about taking an absurdly long time to focus on you, and hair masks are meant to be worn for a good amount of time, so it’s a win-win.  My favorite is the One N’ Only Argan Oil Hydrating Mask.

hair mask

Photo Credit: ulta.com

Other essential items you’ll need:

  • Wine. Duh.
  • Robe. Fluffier the better.
  • Chocolate/ice cream/cake/chocolate ice cream cake.
  • IDGAF attitude.

Now go out there  stay inside and Treat Yo Self!

Tailgating: Makeup, Hair & General Tips

GET UP. IT’S GAME DAY.  Wipe the crust out of your eyes, put on your team colors and grab a beer because we’re talking tailgating.

It’s finally almost fall and that means it’s finally time for football.  With football comes the storied tradition of tailgating and acting a fool pre-game.  And I don’t know about you, but I like to look cute when I’m acting a fool.  So, here are my best tailgating beauty tips.  And if you’re interested in my overall tailgating tips, and you should be, check out the end of this post:

Waterproof Everything

You’ll be sweating to death at the first few games of the season and wiping the snow off your face during the last games.  You need waterproof everything.  Ok, maybe not everything, but at least waterproof mascara and eyeliner. My recommendations: CoverGirl Super Sizer mascara and Maybelline Master Precise Liquid Eyeliner.

CG

Photo Credit: walmart.com

Hair

Tailgating and football games usually involves many hours of standing outside in the elements so why waste time trying to actually style your hair?  You have beer to drink and opposing fans to taunt.  My advice is to braid your hair and or/wear a hat. The braid makes you look all put together and sporty (is that a word?) and the hat reps your team while keeping the sun off your face.  Win-win.

braid

Primer

Similar to Waterproof Everything, you’ll want to use a primer.  Tailgating can be sweaty business and you don’t want all of your makeup to melt off before kickoff.  Put on a layer of primer (with sunscreen!) before the rest of your makeup to give it extra staying power.  I’m a bit of a primer hoarder so I recommend the Benefit Porefessional, Smashbox Photo Finish or L’Oreal Lumi.

 tailgate

Here we see the author in her natural habitat.

General Tailgating Tips

Listen. I’m not a great dancer.  I can’t cook really at all.  I’m pretty terrible at math.  There are a number of things I’m just not good at.

But do you know where I shine?  What I am good at? I am good at tailgating like I was placed on this pale blue dot spinning in the infinite blackness of space for the sole purpose of drinking a cold Miller Lite and eating a hot dog at 10:00am on a crisp Saturday autumn morning.  That’s what I’m good at. (And makeup).

What I’m trying to say is, this is not my first rodeo.  Tailgates can be a tricky mistress so, learn from me:

  • Tip #1
    Start the day with some form of food.
    You can drink a beer or Bloody Mary with this food if you want (and I usually want), but get some food in your stomach before you hop on the booze express.  As the incredibly accurate saying goes – This is a marathon, not a sprint.  You need a base for all of that delicious beer you’re about to drink.  Burger, brat, cheez balls, cold pizza, whatever.  Food.  Eat it.
  • Tip #2
    Drink a few well-placed waters.
    Now, 21 year old Chelsea would’ve rolled her eyes and shotgunned a beer at this tip, but hear older and wiser me out.  Alcohol dehydrates you. Playing beer pong in the sun for 3 hours dehydrates you times a thousand.  If you want to actually make it to the game and enjoy the game, drink some damn water every hour or so.  Your skin and body will thank you the next day.
  • Tip #3
    Take one shot.  Time it impeccably.
    This can, quite literally, make or break your tailgating and game day experience. I’m talking about The Shot.  Laettner style. Take a shot too early in the day and you’re liable to start knocking ‘em back one after another and punching an opposing fan, and we don’t want that.  You want to take your shot (of probably Fireball, let’s be honest) when there isn’t a ton of time left until kickoff.  You want to be pleasantly lifted but still v. together when you take the shot.  It’s the cherry on the sundae and helps you carry your buzz through at least the 3rd quarter.  Savor the shot; use it wisely.

Go Team!

Night Out: Best “Getting Ready” Songs

There’s nothing quite like the feeling before a night out. Excitement, anticipation, deliberation over what to wear, putting on your best makeup, and the always weird smell of curling irons heating up.

I believe that the music you listen to while you’re getting ready to go out can make (or break) your night.  It sets the tone. It gets your mind right.

Because music is such a crucial part of the process, I’ve put together a list of the top songs to play while getting ready to go out.  Crowd around the mirror with your friends and grab a glass because we are going the EFF OUT tonight.

Note: I’m omitting any cliché classic songs like Kool & the Gang’s “Ladies Night”, Carl Carlton’s “She’s A Bad Mama Jama” and Prince’s entire discography. Those are a given.

Beyonce, Nicki Minaj – Flawless Remix
I’m starting with Queen Bey because it would be rude not to do so.  I could’ve easily picked 10 other Beyonce songs to be on this list, but Flawless wins for its overall message of “Goddamn, I look so good tonight and am amazing and nothing can stop me.” That’s the attitude you want and the attitude you need for a great night out, and possibly life in general.  Also, the Outkast “SpottieOttieDopaliscious” sample is perfection.

Michael Jackson – Bad
Roll your eyes if you must, but I love Michael Jackson’s music with the fire of a thousand suns.  And just like Bey, MJ had a plethora of great dance songs to pick from, but Bad has always been one of my favorites (and criminally underrated).  It’s slightly aggressive, it’s boastful and it gets you all pumped up in that cheesy ‘80s sort of way.  Note: Weird Al’s “Fat” may also be used as a substitute in emergencies.

Marina and the Diamonds – Primadonna
I dare you to put this song on and not dance.  Marina starts off a bit soft and ethereal but wait for that beat to drop.  This song will make you want to buy a real-ish looking strand of pearls and wear a plastic tiara to the bar on your birthday. And you know what? I wouldn’t blame you.  This song is aural candy and is magnificent from top to bottom.

Con Funk Shun – Ms. Got The Body
Yes, we’re back in the ‘80s.  I would say I’m sorry but I’m not because this song is the truth.  It’s R&B, funk, disco, and just the right amount of ridiculous.  I mean, one of the lines is “She’s a freak, candy-sweet” so we’re not exactly talking Mozart here. But to be fair, you’re drinking a Bud Light while waving a pointy mascara wand dangerously close to your eyeball, so…who’s to judge?  This jam will bring out your inner Ms. Got The Body and, someday, you’ll thank me for it.

Drake – Shut It Down
It’s no secret that you, me and everyone we know (except Meek Mill) love Drake.  And with a song like this, how could you not?  Drake spends a smooth 6 whole minutes and 52 seconds (!) telling you how cool you are, how great your outfit is tonight and requesting that you dance in the mirror (like you weren’t already), all set over a hot laid back beat.  I am not ashamed to admit that I listen to this song every single time I’m getting ready to go out.

Rihanna – Phresh Out The Runway
This is the pinnacle. The ultimate. Thee best getting ready song. Why? Because it has all of the essential elements: Rihanna. Bass, lots of it. Lyrics about being the best, feeling so fresh and looking so good it’s like you just stepped off the runway. Danceable as hell. More Rihanna.

It is the perfect pre-going out song. Period.

This list is by no means exhaustive, but I trust that it’ll do the trick.
(And I’m always looking for new getting ready/going out songs so let me know what I’m missing!)