10 Songs to Get You Through Every Breakup Stage

Death, taxes, breakups.  They’re all inevitable.  It’s a human rite of passage to have your heart blown to pieces by another person – usually a person who, once upon a time, you thought was the absolute greatest thing in the entire universe.  But now it’s over, and it sucks.  Shit happens.

It doesn’t matter if you did the dumping or you were dumped – the general feeling of terribleness may follow you around for quite awhile.  Thankfully, music can assist with the healing process and help you work through those emotions, let out any anger and eventually move the hell on. I’ve put together a playlist to let you cry it out at the beginning and ultimately rise from the ashes like the majestic phoenix of perfection that you are.

There are many stages to post-breakup ~*fEeLiNgS*~ so let’s start at the beginning:
Stage One: Freshly Dumped – No One Cheated

Stage One sans infidelity is characterized by lots and lots of sadness.  Everything reminds you of your former boo.  You’re probably going through infinite amounts of ice cream, wine and Kleenex so turn on this song (or watch the video if you want to cry along with Sinead) and let it all out:

Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor


Stage One – Part One: Freshly Dumped – That Asshole Cheated

Stage One with infidelity thrown in is a whole other animal. How? What? Why? But? Her? Him?  You may still be in shock and trying to process what the hell just happened.  Enter Mary J. Blige:

Not Gon Cry – Mary J. Blige

Mary is here to remind you not to cry – don’t give that jerk the satisfaction of your tears. You’re fabulous.  Keep it movin’.
Stage One – Part Two: That Asshole Cheated – Anger Edition

You’ve had some time to think about this whole mess and wow, are you mad.  You’re seeing red.  “Pissed” doesn’t quite do your feelings justice.  You want to bust the windows out of his damn car.
Now I don’t suggest going out and actually committing said crime (although it would feel soooo good). Instead, crank up these jams:

Bust Your Windows – Jazmine Sullivan


It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay – Whitney Houston

 

Stage Two – Wallowing and Acceptance

Well, everything still sucks, but not as much.  You’ve come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and you’re feeling a bit blah and numb.  This is the laid-back wallow stage where you process what went wrong and hopefully learn from the relationship.  Stage Two music is softer, quieter, more introspective.  This stage might also last you a good bit of time so I’ll give you two songs to help you through:

Almost Doesn’t Count – Brandy

Head back to the late 90s with Brandy, or head back even later to 1965 and let Johnny Cash express your feels:

Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright – Johnny Cash

Stage Three – Back and Better Than Ever

You’ve had time to be sad, angry and numb.  And you know what?  You’re good now.  No, you’re great. Awesome.  You’re ready to get back on the proverbial horse and show yourself off to the world.

But first – some music to get your mind right and prepare you for re-entrance to the dating scene.
My suggestions:

Migrate – Mariah Carey


Freakum Dress – Beyonce


How To Be A Heartbreaker – Marina and the Diamonds


Miss Movin’ On – Fifth Harmony


You did it!  You survived the breakup.  Now get back out there so you can do it all over again.

Night Out: Best “Getting Ready” Songs

There’s nothing quite like the feeling before a night out. Excitement, anticipation, deliberation over what to wear, putting on your best makeup, and the always weird smell of curling irons heating up.

I believe that the music you listen to while you’re getting ready to go out can make (or break) your night.  It sets the tone. It gets your mind right.

Because music is such a crucial part of the process, I’ve put together a list of the top songs to play while getting ready to go out.  Crowd around the mirror with your friends and grab a glass because we are going the EFF OUT tonight.

Note: I’m omitting any cliché classic songs like Kool & the Gang’s “Ladies Night”, Carl Carlton’s “She’s A Bad Mama Jama” and Prince’s entire discography. Those are a given.

Beyonce, Nicki Minaj – Flawless Remix
I’m starting with Queen Bey because it would be rude not to do so.  I could’ve easily picked 10 other Beyonce songs to be on this list, but Flawless wins for its overall message of “Goddamn, I look so good tonight and am amazing and nothing can stop me.” That’s the attitude you want and the attitude you need for a great night out, and possibly life in general.  Also, the Outkast “SpottieOttieDopaliscious” sample is perfection.

Michael Jackson – Bad
Roll your eyes if you must, but I love Michael Jackson’s music with the fire of a thousand suns.  And just like Bey, MJ had a plethora of great dance songs to pick from, but Bad has always been one of my favorites (and criminally underrated).  It’s slightly aggressive, it’s boastful and it gets you all pumped up in that cheesy ‘80s sort of way.  Note: Weird Al’s “Fat” may also be used as a substitute in emergencies.

Marina and the Diamonds – Primadonna
I dare you to put this song on and not dance.  Marina starts off a bit soft and ethereal but wait for that beat to drop.  This song will make you want to buy a real-ish looking strand of pearls and wear a plastic tiara to the bar on your birthday. And you know what? I wouldn’t blame you.  This song is aural candy and is magnificent from top to bottom.

Con Funk Shun – Ms. Got The Body
Yes, we’re back in the ‘80s.  I would say I’m sorry but I’m not because this song is the truth.  It’s R&B, funk, disco, and just the right amount of ridiculous.  I mean, one of the lines is “She’s a freak, candy-sweet” so we’re not exactly talking Mozart here. But to be fair, you’re drinking a Bud Light while waving a pointy mascara wand dangerously close to your eyeball, so…who’s to judge?  This jam will bring out your inner Ms. Got The Body and, someday, you’ll thank me for it.

Drake – Shut It Down
It’s no secret that you, me and everyone we know (except Meek Mill) love Drake.  And with a song like this, how could you not?  Drake spends a smooth 6 whole minutes and 52 seconds (!) telling you how cool you are, how great your outfit is tonight and requesting that you dance in the mirror (like you weren’t already), all set over a hot laid back beat.  I am not ashamed to admit that I listen to this song every single time I’m getting ready to go out.

Rihanna – Phresh Out The Runway
This is the pinnacle. The ultimate. Thee best getting ready song. Why? Because it has all of the essential elements: Rihanna. Bass, lots of it. Lyrics about being the best, feeling so fresh and looking so good it’s like you just stepped off the runway. Danceable as hell. More Rihanna.

It is the perfect pre-going out song. Period.

This list is by no means exhaustive, but I trust that it’ll do the trick.
(And I’m always looking for new getting ready/going out songs so let me know what I’m missing!)