10 Songs to Get You Through Every Breakup Stage

Death, taxes, breakups.  They’re all inevitable.  It’s a human rite of passage to have your heart blown to pieces by another person – usually a person who, once upon a time, you thought was the absolute greatest thing in the entire universe.  But now it’s over, and it sucks.  Shit happens.

It doesn’t matter if you did the dumping or you were dumped – the general feeling of terribleness may follow you around for quite awhile.  Thankfully, music can assist with the healing process and help you work through those emotions, let out any anger and eventually move the hell on. I’ve put together a playlist to let you cry it out at the beginning and ultimately rise from the ashes like the majestic phoenix of perfection that you are.

There are many stages to post-breakup ~*fEeLiNgS*~ so let’s start at the beginning:
Stage One: Freshly Dumped – No One Cheated

Stage One sans infidelity is characterized by lots and lots of sadness.  Everything reminds you of your former boo.  You’re probably going through infinite amounts of ice cream, wine and Kleenex so turn on this song (or watch the video if you want to cry along with Sinead) and let it all out:

Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor


Stage One – Part One: Freshly Dumped – That Asshole Cheated

Stage One with infidelity thrown in is a whole other animal. How? What? Why? But? Her? Him?  You may still be in shock and trying to process what the hell just happened.  Enter Mary J. Blige:

Not Gon Cry – Mary J. Blige

Mary is here to remind you not to cry – don’t give that jerk the satisfaction of your tears. You’re fabulous.  Keep it movin’.
Stage One – Part Two: That Asshole Cheated – Anger Edition

You’ve had some time to think about this whole mess and wow, are you mad.  You’re seeing red.  “Pissed” doesn’t quite do your feelings justice.  You want to bust the windows out of his damn car.
Now I don’t suggest going out and actually committing said crime (although it would feel soooo good). Instead, crank up these jams:

Bust Your Windows – Jazmine Sullivan


It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay – Whitney Houston

 

Stage Two – Wallowing and Acceptance

Well, everything still sucks, but not as much.  You’ve come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and you’re feeling a bit blah and numb.  This is the laid-back wallow stage where you process what went wrong and hopefully learn from the relationship.  Stage Two music is softer, quieter, more introspective.  This stage might also last you a good bit of time so I’ll give you two songs to help you through:

Almost Doesn’t Count – Brandy

Head back to the late 90s with Brandy, or head back even later to 1965 and let Johnny Cash express your feels:

Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright – Johnny Cash

Stage Three – Back and Better Than Ever

You’ve had time to be sad, angry and numb.  And you know what?  You’re good now.  No, you’re great. Awesome.  You’re ready to get back on the proverbial horse and show yourself off to the world.

But first – some music to get your mind right and prepare you for re-entrance to the dating scene.
My suggestions:

Migrate – Mariah Carey


Freakum Dress – Beyonce


How To Be A Heartbreaker – Marina and the Diamonds


Miss Movin’ On – Fifth Harmony


You did it!  You survived the breakup.  Now get back out there so you can do it all over again.

How to be 30 and Single

When you’re single in your 20s, it’s assumed that you’re having the time of your life and in no mood to settle down.  When you’re single at 30, it’s assumed that the world is no longer your oyster, you’ve begun collecting cats and spend your time staring off into the abyss waiting and hoping for a potential mate to come along.

I’m here to tell you that being 30 and single is not the end of the world. In fact, it can be, dare I say it…enjoyable.  Like everything in life, there are good parts and bad parts about being single at this age. The bad parts are things like being stuck at the kid’s table for Thanksgiving dinner; the good parts being enjoying ample free time, meeting new people and sprawling across your bed with ALL of the covers.

While I’m certainly not the authority or a certified expert on how to be single (it’s different for everyone), I have enough experience to know what works for me.  So, here are my three best suggestions on how to make the most of it:

Be prepared for The Questions

Yes, The Questions can be annoying and frustrating.  It seems that everyone wants to know the answer to the million dollar question – Why/How are you single? This is inevitably followed up by the asker listing a litany of reasons why you shouldn’t be single – you’re attractive, you’re intelligent, you’re fun, etc.  People may think they’re being helpful or flattering when listing these reasons but sometimes it can leave you later saying to yourself “Yeah, why the hell am I still single? What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?” when really, you haven’t done anything wrong.  You’re just not in a relationship right now. Point blank.

My advice is to take these questions in stride.  It may seem odd but I find having a stock answer helps.  I tend to go with “I haven’t found the right guy yet but he’s out there.  I’m enjoying myself in the meantime.” That response usually shuts down the questions (and the pity party) and hopefully allows you to change the subject to another topic, if you’d like.  I try to remind myself that, depending on the setting, I may be one of only a few single people in attendance, and being different will inevitably make people curious and want to ask questions.


Enjoy It

So often the “single” label is looked upon with pity, disdain and as a problem that needs to be fixed.  But there is another side to being single that needs to be talked about – the side that I like to call Do Whatever The F**K You Want.  Want to spend the day at the beach reading celebrity gossip magazines? Go for it. Want to listen to your favorite songs as loud as possible and have a dance party in your apartment on a Tuesday? I feel you, and I raise my glass of wine to you.

The joy and freedom that come with being single should never be overlooked or taken for granted.  Use this time to do the things that you want to do, things that you may not have the time, energy or money to do a few years down the road.  Pick up new hobbies, read more books, spend time with friends and family or work on yourself. Do whatever it is that makes you feel good.  Being single isn’t a prison sentence that needs to be served.  It’s an opportunity to expand your life.


Love Yourself

In the immortal words of RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?”  I know, I know.  It all sounds cheesy but it actually is true – we accept the love we think we deserve and we attract people who mirror how we feel about ourselves.

You may not have a partner at the moment but you have yourself, and really, that’s the only person you can be certain you’ll ever have in this life.  You don’t need to wait for another person to come along to make you feel worthy of being loved. Treat yourself well and take care of yourself in the ways you want to be treated, and you’ll find that you’re ready and able to accept the love of a great partner heading your way.

*Photo Credit: thesinglewomansguide.com